The Perfect Mojito

In order to make the perfect mojito, you first need to spend a lifetime developing a career as a star of stage and screen. In Cuba, of course. Nowhere else. You might end up an actress when you're done. Or you may develop a strong singing voice. Either way, you'll have a presence and a little bit of seed money.

Next, you'll need to take the seed money overseas. Set up a little bar off the beaten path. Don't worry if you don't get much traffic at first. They will come.

Hire a hot bartender half your age (by now you'll be in your sixties). Teach him the ways of Cuba and the world. Make him wear a pony tail and a well tailored shirt.

When you've built up a good clientele--preferably of young Spaniards, who are scantily dressed and just a little sweaty because your bar doesn't have air-conditioning--you'll need to set up an assembly line.

Line up eight tumblers. (You can't truly enjoy a mojito on your own.) Put several sprigs of fresh mint in each. Then, a table spoon of sugar. Add an ounce of lemon syrup and mash with a pestle. Get the eager young bartender to help. Tell him to put a little muscle into it. Once the mashing is done, fill the glasses to the top with crushed ice. Top with three different types of rum (in equal parts); start with a young rum and work your way up to one that's quite mature. Make sure the glasses are full by the time you've added the third rum. Swirl a little grenadine on top with a sexy flourish. Stir. Serve. Drink. Sing along to the Cuban rythms filling your bar. Enjoy life. Repeat.

For further instruction in mojito making and life, proceed to Elsa Bar along C/ Del Torrent L'Olla in Gracia.